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Blair launches election campaign for 2009
Prime Minister Tony Blair has launched the campaign for the 2009 general election with a speech attacking "whoever is in charge of the Conservative Party in 4 years' time."
Although the May 5th 2005 election has yet to take place, many from across the political spectrum see it as a foregone conclusion. The PM is so confident of winning that he has more or less given up campaigning, instead allowing Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott to (hopefully literally) attack his opponents and letting other ministers shoulder the burden of talking to the people.
Blair has already announced his intention to stand down as Labour leader and PM before any election in 2009, but he wishes to set the ball rolling for the benefit of his successor. Aides of the PM deny that this is a brazen attempt to steal the future limelight from his archrival Chancellor Gordon Brown, the man thought most likely to succeed him. Despite the apparent friendliness between the two men in recent weeks, Blair launched the 2009 campaign while Mr Brown was "in the toilet with a chronic attack of the shits". This was "a coincidence" according to Downing Street staff who strenuously denied the old laxatives in a cup of tea trick.
Conspiracy theorists in the Brown camp say that the PM is happy to accept the loss of up to 65 MPs this time in order to make life difficult for the Chancellor should he take over in 2007 or 2008. This would leave Blair with a working majority of around 40: plenty for his twilight years and enough for a Blairite successor like Alan Milburn to build on, but small enough to cause Brown headaches and a difficult election should he reach Number 10.
Meanwhile, the usually optimistic rhetoric from Conservative HQ is absent these days. One Tory insider told us that they are resigned to Labour winning again this year. "We might pick up a couple of extra seats if we're lucky and we expect the Lib Dems to do well, but bloody Blair is bound get in again," he fumed. "We may as start working on the next one. We'll publish detailed proposals some time in 2008, but in the meantime the shadow cabinet will subtly allude to various exciting ideas, only to drop them when the government and the media expose them as unworkable."
In contrast, the Lib Dems are as cheerful as ever. Charles Kennedy outlined to us how his party would improve on their performances in 2001 and 2005. "We'll just say an end to tuition fees, more tax for the rich and more spending on health and education," he said. "Add to that the abolition of council tax and the fact that we opposed the wars in Iraq and Syria or wherever it turns out to be, you've got game, set, match and about 20 extra MPs. However, because of the way our ridiculous electoral system works..."
DeadBrain would like to apologise for our reporter falling asleep at this point.
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Wow, look at this!
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