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Greenpeace protestors scale John Prescott
26 Apr 2005
Activists from the environmental pressure group Greenpeace today attracted fury after they scaled John Prescott. The protestors, who were complaining about energy policy, climbed on to Mr Prescott early this morning and attempted to install solar panels. They also unfurled banners and shouted at police and passers-by.
"I didn't notice at first, as I say, it was when I came down for breakfast and the waiter said to me 'Mr Prescott, you've got some Greenpeace protestors on you', and I said no, don't be daft, it's just a bit of curry from last night, but he said no so I held up a spoon and I looked into it and I said 'Hey, you're right lad, I have got bloody Greenpeace protestors on me. Somebody get the bastards off!'" Mr Prescott said.
"Well of course by this stage the media were gathering round me, like, and they were starting to laugh because they do that, you know, they have got it in for me for some reason, so I said 'Don't just stand there, give me a hand' but would they heck as like – they were too busy going for the story, going for the kill, not prepared to discuss the important issues and debate the real facts, it's nothing more than gutter journalism and they ought to be ashamed of themselves."
"Now I'm a reasonable man so I did try to talk them down, I said 'Oi you little sods, get off me or I'll give you a knuckle sandwich between the chops' but they didn't because they don't, that sort of people, listen I mean – all they're interested in is getting their faces on the front of the Daily Mail and to be perfectly frank with you, as I always am, and there's really no excuse not to be, I don't know how on earth they got up there but I'm willing to bet that it was a media conspiracy to try to do me down, to get the kind of front page, second class rubbish that these people feed off, and let me tell you this: people out there in the real world are not interested in this sort of codswallop, they're interested in the real issues – the schools, the hospitals, the nurses – not some two-bit demonstration which I'm afraid is really quite distressing my wife, poor Pauline, bless her, and I'm now not prepared to say anything more on the matter, these people don't deserve the publicity and I'm not going to give it to them."
"And I'll tell you another thing," he continued. "Just you wait until the Tories try to make some capital out of this, which they won't, well they'll try obviously, but they won't succeed because I won't let them, but that won't stop them trying because that's the type of thing the Tory Party does, in league with the media and especially the gutter press, naming no names, and I think in many ways, notwithstanding the foregoing, that's an entirely accurate statement and I would be happy to debate it with you whenever and wherever, however, and with appropriate regard for the safety of the British public."
A police spokesman said that the protestors managed to last twelve and a half minutes before climbing down from the summit of Mr Prescott in exchange for a packet of Nurofen and a lie down.
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Look at this, moron.
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