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Appendix II: 5 things you will notice on your journey from the airport:
  1. Spanish coach drivers are all criminally insane.
  2. Spanish coaches all have ancient Take That cassettes jammed into their cassette players. By law, these have to be played on a never-ending loop.
  3. Spanish coach PA systems are incapable of working without a large amount of ear-shattering feedback.
  4. All Spanish roads contain hairpin bends and 1:2 hills. If these do not naturally exist, they are created using readily available building materials and Spar shops.
  5. All Spanish farmland is barren and empty. And they managed it without getting foot and mouth, too.
End of Guide.

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