The Week in Rhyme
by Dick Tator
Monday and the focus is back
To handing over power in Iraq
The French are talking about weeks not years
But Bush must allay all his fears
Shrub thinks that his work's not done
The army haven't had their fun
But old Europe thinks the time is here
For the US troops to disappear
In America they're sad to say
The LA councillors must be gay
They've banned lap dancing in their state
But the owners fear for their dancers' fate
It's fine for them with their kids and wives
But they're ruining other people's lives
The ugly men of America's West
Are certain to be unimpressed
Back in Blighty above London town
David Blaine has not come down
He's dodged eggs, bottles and golf balls too
And a foul-mouthed Beatle who'd had a few
But the scientists say he'll never last
If it truly is a foodless fast
They say lack of salt will make him pass out
And his blood pressure will drop, of that there's no doubt.
Labour's future's looking more bleak
As Tony had a hellish week
Trounced by the Liberals in Brent-East
That's got to be a shock at least
But not as much as Les Dennis's news
He's about to end his single blues
Marrying a youngster again
Not learned from Amanda then?
He must have something us guys don't
Will Holden tell us if he won't?
Charm or good looks, take your pick
Or has he got a massive…bank balance?
Whatever it is we wish him well
The last few months must have been hell
So have fun on your wedding day
And let's hope Neil Morrisey stays away
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Picture of the Week
by the DeadBrain Paparazzi
Photo: Blair didn't get a welcome like this
Fenella Clamp Speaks Out!
Britain's best agony aunt airs your agony
by Mark Kingswick
Dear Fenella
My husband is into anal sex, rubber, chains, torture, mayhem and Nazi salutes.
Dorothy Pinkington-Shears
Crud Hollow, Leicestershire
Fenella says:
SO?!! Try flying over the fucking rainbow for all I care! Who gives two fingers! Period!
Dear Fenella
I find your abusive answers to people's angst and problems intolerable. You are a disgrace to humanity and should be horse-whipped! Why can't you behave, you common little woman!
Lady Amy Fiplington-Strapp
Heathen Manor, Sudbury, Kent
Fenella says:
Piss off you toffee-nosed bitch! Who asked you to stick your ugly gob in my moat? Go tell it to the marines, baby! Period!
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