The Week in Rhyme
by Dick Tator
What has old Prince Charles done
To deserve this massive media scrum?
The papers are doing their best to function
Despite the servant's court injunction
How long will it be before we know
What's been said by the Prince's foe?
Is it an unfounded allegation
Or will these stories rock the nation?
Michael Howard's officially the boss
Of the right wing inbred Tory toffs
He's trying to make them look respectable
But will they ever be electable?
Michael Portillo's gone and quit
Like a rat jumping out of a sinking ship
And now that he's out of the boat
They can't rely on the pink vote
Ulrika Jonsson's up the duff
By her TV contestant bit of rough
Lets hope the kiddie gets her looks
But doesn't read old Mummy's books
Miss Aguilera has been getting dirrty
She was looking hot and acting flirty
The local press were doing well
To find out who was staying in what hotel
Apart from the frivolous the news was bad
Shocking scandalous and downright sad
Huntley's in the spotlight at last
Let's hope the trial is over fast
More soldiers dead down in Iraq
But Dubya won't be pulling back
The army's doing all it can
But they haven't got an exit plan
So they'll have to stay like sitting ducks
Praying for peace and a slice of good luck
Guarding the assets of the war-torn state
Without control of their fate
It makes this Sunday seem a bit hypocritical
When we're fighting a war for reasons political
The last time round Hitler was foiled
But now all we've got is a big load of oil
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Picture of the Week
by the DeadBrain Paparazzi
Photo: Prince Charles ******************************
Fenella Clamp Speaks Out!
Britain's best agony aunt airs your agony
by Mark Kingswick
Dear Fenella
Every time I have sex I get frostbite, because my
husband has a fetish for having sex in the freezer. I
don't want to hurt his feelings, so how do I tell him
my nipples can't stand the temperature shock?
Ariadne Winterbottom
Slowthaw, Leicestershire
Fenella says:
What! Tell him to get stuffed – and pronto! Lock him
in the freezer and freeze his bloody balls off. Are
you that twattish?
Dear Fenella
I sent you a letter of pain and suffering a few weeks
back, and you replied with the most hurtful and
vicious attack. I was in floods of tears, you awful
devil from the hottest part of hell! May you die a
horrible death you evil pile of horse shit! May your
tits drop off!
Rose Wright-Charlie
Exmouth, Devon
Fenella says:
Go ramble up someone else's arse! You whiners really
get me – go jump off the Severn Bridge or something.
Better still - drop dead!
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