Simple Pleasures: Looking out of the window
by Julian Hyland
One of life's greatest pleasures is to simply stop and observe other people. To take a few moments of your own time in order to survey the actions of others is both an educative and joyous pastime and one that has been unfortunately marred by the stigma attached to the voyeuristic actions of so-called 'perverts'.
These people apparently 'sex themselves off' as they leer at and drool over more attractive people than themselves. Perhaps they are observing a lady's breast as it strains against the material of her tight, restrictive blouse? Maybe, due to some unfortunate gust of wind, there is revealed from beneath the pleats of a young maiden's dress, a sudden flash of stocking-clad skin. Soft, naked skin baring itself unintentionally from beneath the diaphanous shaded gloss of a pair of well-darned stockings. But this is wrong, say I! This kind of lecherous beastliness is detrimental to the purer motives of the simple observer.
Watching people is, in its innocence, a natural habit of the aesthete. As humans we are drawn to observation, particularly of the human form. Consideration of the actions of others is a healthy, natural, and shared activity amongst us all.
A window at home can offer a unique opportunity to indulge in this most relaxing activity. For those of us without a home or those on the go, many public libraries will cater for the gentleman (or lady) seeking to indulge in this rich and rewarding pastime. In silence and unencumbered by the usual chaos of the modern world, one can ease any stress and accumulated tension by simply looking at the world as it whirrs along oblivious to your careless gaze.
Look! See! What amazing creatures we are when caught unawares! The unconscious gestures, the fascinating interactions, the simple actions of local traders and their customers; perhaps some pesky young pups are careering down an alley with a stolen coconut or two! The little pests! But look! Look deeper! How poetic the human forms! Such grace and beauty can be found in all persons and objects as they simply do what they do as the day glides gently by.
The combination of music and observation can often be a uniquely rewarding experience. If a cassette recorder or other modern phonic device can be found then it is advisable to select an appropriate musical score to accompany the actions that occur outside your chosen window. Might I suggest up-tempo music for more frenetic activity or gentle string arrangements for the more mellow events?
For example, only the other day I observed the antics of an overweight gentleman chasing two cheeky whippersnappers as they commandeered the man's luncheon pie in the street. For this activity I chose to play a contemporary jazz recording - I found that the musical phrasing and adroit musicianship formed an interesting juxtaposition with the apelike movements of the consternated gentleman as he fatly stumbled and clawed uselessly at the victorious pie snatchers.
"Serves you right, Fatty," taunted the boys as they spat on his pie and fled. 'How interesting,' I thought, 'they hate him because he's fat.' Ironically, the jazz recording was called 'fat fat fat zing pah dap fat fat oh oh yes you fat it off you big slut' by James Kerrals and the fats!
Another of many examples where art does indeed imitate life! Just take the time to look out of your window once in a while and witness it all for yourself, it costs nothing and can often be more amusing than a bag of cats in a bonfire. Which, incidentally, I find a particularly stimulating sight.
Next Time: The Bath
Dick Tator is still away
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Picture of the Week
by the DeadBrain Paparazzi
Photo: Supporters of university top-up fees gather
Fenella Clamp Speaks Out!
Britain's best agony aunt airs your agony
by Mark Kingswick
Dear Fenella
Every year I spend two weeks on a luxury cruise,
dining on lobster and caviar, and downing glasses of
luxury vintage Champagne. My personal butler gives me
a wonderful service, and my husband has a smile on his
face. Should I go to Butlins instead?
Helena Bunghee-Jumper
Duckham, Dorset
Fenella says:
Are you from the Twilight Zone, or what? If the
butler screws you while you are stuffing caviar down
your gullet, and your husband is getting off on it –
then stick Butlins, period!
Dear Fenella
Last week I had a fling with the dashing fishmonger,
and he gave me crabs. I've tried bleach and furniture
polish, but nothing shifts them! Help, please!
Tabatha Crunkwell
Shaft Walk, Shelton
Fenella says:
Have you tried mayo? What about a little salad? You
are obviously a bloody sad old cow – period!
Dear Fenella
My arse is really sore – any suggestions?
Tony Van Ritten
Spittoon Way, Rumpton
Fenella says:
Stop allowing the fishmonger to shag you – period!
Dear Fenella
My wife and I argue all the time, and I am afraid we
might end up divorced. Yesterday I caught her in bed
with a horny salesman. What should I have done?
Alf Twanker
West Whittler, Southhampton
Fenella says:
Join them – it may not stop you arguing, but it will
be great fun! Smell the roses, you schmuck – period!
Next Issue: 21st December
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