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| You have fallen into: Home > Magazine | 11th February |
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January
The Year in Rhyme - Part 1Flood victims "to sue God" Saddam accuses weapons inspectors of spying, looking for weapons Bush: Saddam has castor oil, rice Saddam: My weapons were for research only Government to scrap trains to improve efficiency Blair reassures nation: we're all doomed SPECIAL REPORT: Fascists win council seat; overrun Britain; begin new holocaust by Dick Tator We've come to the end of an eventful year It's been full of scandal and full of fear Saddam's been toppled down in Iraq But there's still the threat of a terrorist attack There's been other news like the Hutton inquiry Where Alastair Campbell used his infamous diary But let's put the conflict back to the fore As we delve into the story of George Bush's war...
February
The Taliban in Afghanistan had more than met their matchECB requests venue switch for Iraq war Powell presents evidence that Iraq has oil UK citizens told to avoid Iraq; cancel holidays there Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors FBI arrest British pensioner believed to be Bin Laden Mr Bean enthroned as Archbishop of Canterbury Iraq to begin missile destruction by firing them at Israel, US troops US troops ready for war; know roughly where Iraq is Bush stung by "easy target" criticism Principles discovered in Labour Party; ministers resign Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand" Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed US to wipe out entire UK armed forces by end 2004 McDonald's to diversify into edible food Rumsfeld: There's nothing wrong with a bit of looting Congestion charges hit London Marathon Bush attempt to play snap with Iraq's most wanted cards fails Travel chaos after unexpected Bank Holiday Rumsfeld orders search for Saddam on Google Saddam's WMDs stolen, recovered near Manchester toilet New Tory information minister hails election victory Iraq portable toilet "probably weapons lab" Bush orders UK leadership "shake-up" SARS outbreak offers new opportunities for idiots to prove themselves Tory "leader" demands right to lifelong non-anonymity Pentagon unveils new war tactic – destroy own weapons before start Concrete blocks will prevent terrorist attack, says government 90% of Internet users are paedophiles - and you could be one of them Israel kills key Hamas figure, peace now assured President Bush and the Segway of mass embarrassment Beckham transfer now biggest story in history of news Emperor Blair denies that constitutional changes have gone too far And Dubya was looking for a brand new itch to scratch The old man had some business with some fellow in Iraq So little George decided he must send the soldiers back He sent along old Mr Powell, the General from ninety-one To show how Saddam Hussein had defied fourteen forty-one He said Hans Blix was being tricked; Saddam would not disarm And if nobody acted soon then the world would come to harm Meanwhile in Downing Street George Bush had come to tea He said, "Tony pal, we're all alone, will you be friends with me I'll give you lots of oil trade as a token of our thanks If you give me your full backing and a hundred Sherman tanks" Tony jumped up on his lap and said, "That will be fine I'll keep up the relationship between your country and mine" So they hatched a plan to fool the world into fighting in their war But other countries failed to see what they were fighting for CND were not amused and they took to the street All around the world people voted with their feet Blair went on a mission to try to muster some support But when Bush called for an update there was little to report Countries didn't want to help, Blair just got criticism They seemed to think that Bush's war would just breed terrorism Chirac wasn't too impressed by Tony's show of power And he didn't want bombs going off around the Eiffel tower He said sorry Blair; this crazy war is something you'll regret With pressure on Saddam Hussein, Iraq is not a threat When the fanatics start to regroup, and lots of people die Will you still be able to look us in the eye? Tony stormed off in a sulk, back to Downing Street He was feeling pretty pissed off, but still he wasn't beat He called up Schroeder and said, "Have you got my back?" But he said, "No, my rating's low, I'm siding with Chirac" The sand was getting hotter in the deserts of Kuwait And the people in the White House were getting quite irate The generals told the government, "If you want to win this thing You must get the soldiers moving, before the start of spring The troops flew in from across the world, into the desert sands By now the choice of what to do was out the UN's hands Saddam had deviated from the rules of fourteen forty-one And now it was time for little George to have a little fun A day or two of shock and awe and the Iraqi troops were spent In came the US soldiers toppling statues as they went The British conquered Basra, using goodwill with their tanks So some Iraqis shot them back, while others gave them thanks The US TV networks were all quick to show support With only pro-Bush sound bites, in all of their reports And if anybody said that Bush's war was idiotic They'd be slated by the US press and called unpatriotic Meanwhile down in Baghdad old Saddam had made a dash With a couple of dozen bodyguards and a trailer full of cash He fled to a tiny little hole and didn't show his face While the soldiers from the US used his palace as a base Bush and Blair got slated because Saddam was on the run And there was still no sign of their smoking gun They'd employed a special task force to search all of Iraq To find illegal weapons and get the UN off their back On the afternoon of May the first, Bush came on TV He said, "Thanks to me and Tony Blair, Iraqis are now free The world is a better place without that man in power And to our brave servicemen - this is your finest hour" But the hard line sceptics of the war didn't quite agree And being shot by US soldiers was not Iraq's idea of free Soldiers from America were being killed by loyalist factions And there were still calls for Bush and Blair to justify their actions Then there was a breakthrough on a mid-December day Saddam Hussein was captured and the allies said "Hooray We've caught this evil tyrant and he's staying in Iraq And all you loyalists still out there, had better watch your backs" The problem now of what to do is still being disputed Most Iraqis want this evil man to be tried and executed Tony isn't bothered, he's just glad they've got their man While Bush is more concerned about the US oil plan So that concludes the story of the world's latest war We're more at threat from terrorists than we ever were before But don't let fundamentalists fill your head with fear Just ponder all the other things in the news this year... Part Two of our Review of the Year is next Sunday
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