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DeadBrain, DeadArm in merger deal
5 Sep 2001
Leading news satire website DeadBrain today followed in the footsteps of computer manufacturers Hewlett Packard and Compaq by merging with little-known dog food retailer DeadArm in a multi-million pound deal. The merger, which was announced to a packed press conference assembled under false pretences by an overactive but rather sad and now redundant PR manager, will result in thousands of people losing their jobs in the time-honoured fashion of the business world.
Company insiders tell us that the merger will have little discernable effect on the world at large, and is probably a complete waste of time. In a hastily prepared statement that was mistakenly sent to a small boating club in central Essex and later passed on to us, DeadArm CEO Gregory T Mullet said, "The merger between DeadBrain and DeadArm is a giant leap forward in our efforts to become a major force in the Internet world. It is part of a long-term strategy which began last week with the opening of a new factory in Sussex - which will now be closed - and is certain to make me lots of money indeed."
Officials from DeadBrain declined to comment on the merger, saying that they had no idea what we were talking about and would we please go away. Meanwhile, industry analyst Douglas Ramsbottom spoke exclusively to DeadBrain via a poor-quality satellite linkup with his yacht in the Bahamas. He told us, "I...crrrrrrr...this merger will create...crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...compared to Pedigre Chum. Therefore, shareholders will be keen to sell their...crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...dogs to...crrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...the DTI."
Have you seen this?
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