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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Tony Blair |
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| You have been drawn towards: Home > News | 6th January |
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Harry Potted 13 Jan 2002 The entire world media today fell back onto its collective backside in shock at the news that Prince Harry, a 17-year-old teenager, has taken cocaine and drunk heavily. Gregory T Mullet, a distinguished newspaper journalist who takes pride in his accurate well-researched articles and collection of genuine 1950s doilies, was horrified at the news. "I just can't believe it," he told us via Morse code. "I mean kids of his age shouldn't be drinking! Why it's almost unheard of – just because he's royalty it doesn't mean he can go around drinking earlier than every other teenager in the country. And as for the drugs, well that's just disgraceful. No, it really is disgusting. He should…" Unfortunately Mr Mullet's message was interrupted by a number of enraged pig farmers, who were accidentally released by Our Man in Middlesex, but we got the idea. Meanwhile, Professor Douglas Ramsbottom, a world authority on drunken royalty, was only too happy to grant us an interview while he was strapping himself to a passing haddock. Professor Ramsbottom, who struggled to be heard over the sound of his haddock, was keen to make himself "as clear as possible" about what was "a very serious matter". However, after shouting to him over a hedge for ten minutes, our fearless reporter still had no idea what his position was, other than possibly illegal. There have already been several calls for Prince Harry to resign from the position of Prince Harry. However, after the confusion Ann Widdecombe caused when she resigned from the position of herself, advisors have recommended that Harry should retain his position. The man leading the calls is Lord Gregory T Mullet who, incidentally, is no relation to the distinguished newspaper journalist Gregory T Mullet but due to his orange colouring could be the secret lovechild of Bob Monkhouse. Speaking through the letterbox of his London apartment, Lord Mullet mumbled, "I do not believe it is appropriate for a man in Harry's position to be drinking at such a young age - he's barely out of nappies!" After pausing for a swig from his hip flask, he continued, "He should resign immediately and apologise to the young lady involved. No, wait, that's Robin Cook isn't it?" If you have been affected by the issues mentioned in this article, you can call the DeadBrain Action Line, on 07092 159650. You can also discuss this article here.
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