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Letwin Kidnap Attempt
25 Jan 2002
Police in Oliver Letwin's home constituency of West Dorset last night foiled a dramatic attempt to kidnap the Shadow Home Secretary and force Iain Duncan Smith to reinstate Ann Widdecombe. Five supporters of the now infamous Bring Back Ann Widdecombe Campaign, which was launched by the equally infamous news satire website "DeadBrain" earlier this week, were arrested outside Mr Letwin's home.
Chief Inspector Douglas Ramsbottom, who had nothing to do with the operation but is happy to take all of the credit for it, spoke about the supporters' audacious plan at a press conference this morning. According to Mr Ramsbottom, who almost wet himself at the excitement of being on television around the world, the would-be-kidnapers had little chance of succeeding.
However, supporters of the campaign have said that they may try again. Speaking at a Chelsea press conference and wearing a "rather itchy" balaclava, a high-ranking official told journalists "we will never give up – down with Letwin, bring back Ann!" in a disappointingly high-pitched voice, leaving them guessing as to what the organisation's next move will be and whether they will get a better speaker at their next press conference.
Look at this, moron.
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