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Transport Civil War
14 Feb 2002
The Department of Transport is tonight in a state of "civil war" according to government spokesmen, the Conservative MP Tim Collins, and a little-known fudge saleswoman in Chelsea. All three sources have confirmed to DeadBrain that Jo Moore has declared war on "herself and her department", and the little-known fudge saleswoman also tried to sell us some fudge.
Speaking from a large gun tower outside her office, "Captain" Moore warned journalists to stand back or she would "shoot or bury" them. Downing Street officials have denied that there is any sort of civil war going on, but they did concede that the walls of sandbags outside Number 10 hadn't been there yesterday.
Meanwhile Martin Sixsmith, Ms Moore's boss, has also quashed rumours of any war, stating that his recently purchased battle cruiser was for personal use only. The department's Secretary of State, Stephen Byers, is reportedly in India "trying to buy those arms back again" and has yet to comment.
Look at this, moron.
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