 |
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Saddam Hussein |
|
 |
|
| You have trodden in: Home > News | 19th March |
| |
|
Duncan Smith Revealed 8 Feb 2002 There was embarrassment for Iain Duncan Smith today, as Madame Tussauds confirmed that he was not interesting enough to appear in their museum as a waxwork. However, a report leaked on exclusively by DeadBrain, and later disposed of due to the smell, shows that the entire story is a media cover-up. Now, for the first time ever, DeadBrain can reveal the truth. The story begins with the defeat of the Conservatives under William "remember me?" Hague at the last election. A new leader was subsequently elected, and Mr Duncan Smith won the ballot. But, after just two weeks in office, Mr Duncan Smith suffered a severe nervous breakdown. He was unable to continue as leader and left the country to form a progressive folk group in the Bahamas. This tragic sequence of events presented the Conservative Party with a public relations disaster. However, through a series of cover-ups and the help of Madame Tussauds, leading figures in the party managed to replace Mr Duncan Smith with one of the most advanced robotic dummies of all time. Iain Duncan Smith Mark 2 was born. Since Mark 1's breakdown, he has only re-entered the country once to take part in the Pop Idol auditions. This provoked seemingly ludicrous comments from Have I Got News For You panellist Paul Merton about Iain Duncan Smith having an identical twin. Until now, only a small group of people knew exactly how close he was to the truth. With careful observation, though, Mark 2's inaccuracies can easily be seen. Since being swapped for Mark 1, Mark 2 has improved greatly on Mark 1's performances and actually (almost) got the better of Tony Blair on one or two occasions. Obviously the real Iain Duncan Smith could not do this, so Mark 2's flaws are clear. Douglas Ramsbottom, an expert political writer and, strangely, a member of the Wolverhampton Women's Institute, was key to discovering the cover-up. At a jumble sale last week, Mr Ramsbottom made the surprising revelation while looking over a stall selling second-hand, reconditioned teabags. Doris Mullet, the rather senile stallholder, cannot remember Mr Ramsbottom's exact words or why he was a member in the first place, but does recall it being "a big surprise". Duncan Smith Mark 1 has so far been unavailable for comment, although his band is available for gigs throughout the world "pretty much all the time". Mark 2, meanwhile, has rubbished the allegations with a series of witty remarks worthy of William Hague. This, analysts say, is further proof that Mark 2 cannot possibly be the real Iain Duncan Smith.
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2001-2006 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep |