Almost the entire world, its mother and its Aunt Audrey who lives in Skegness were today "shocked, surprised but most of all shocked" at finding themselves agreeing with the Conservative Party. Expert bearded and bespectacled historian Dr Gregory T Mullet of Skegness University (who, incidentally, is married to a Mrs Audrey Mullet) told DeadBrain it is a "remarkable turnaround in events". "I can't recall another occasion in recent history where so many people have agreed with the Conservatives," he said. "It really is very unusual."
The shock events came on the day that Transport Secretary Stephen Byers announced a massive U-turn in government policy. Under his new proposals, former shareholders of Railtrack will be paid around £2.50 for every share they own – a rather different story to his assurances in January that shareholders would not be bailed out with public money.
This, of course, prompted his opposite number Theresa May to call for Mr Byers' resignation, but this time with even more conviction than usual. People and travelling salesmen around the country were soon forced to agree with Mrs May in unprecedented numbers. "I just can't believe it," Mrs May confided in DeadBrain. "Normally all I get is a few drunken mumbles from the backbenches about my bottom, but today I had actual, real support. Maybe there is hope after all!"
