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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Iain Duncan Smith |
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| You have been flattened by: Home > News | 11th February |
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More Middle East Violence 15 Apr 2002 There was renewed tension in the Middle East last week after Israeli troops moved into more Palestinian towns on the West Bank. The situation is now so serious that BBC correspondents John Simpson and Jeremy Bowen have both been despatched by carrier pigeon to cover events, although it is not yet clear whether they intend to liberate anywhere. Meanwhile, in another unknown Middle Eastern country, representatives from the Ramsbottom Alliance have held a second press conference following their alleged kidnap of Tory MP Ann Widdecombe. At the press conference was DeadBrain's Dangerous Places Correspondent Douglas Ramsbottom CBE (no relation), the only western journalist in the country. He was forced by contract to talk to us over a satellite phone as close to some violence as he could get. Standing "quite near" to a serious pub brawl, Douglas Ramsbottom told us, "Man it's dangerous here. There's chairs flying around and windows being smashed – it's like going on a night out with Leeds United." Hitting a man calling himself "Jonathan Woodgate" with a pot plant, he continued with the utmost professionalism and a hint of an Australian accent: "The guys over at the press conference said to us, like, you know, and that sorta thing. To be honest, it was all complete bollocks. Anyone would think they were New Labour." Our sources in the unknown country tell us that Ms Widdecombe made a daring escape "Steve McQueen-style" on a motorbike late on Sunday night. She is currently being looked after by a family in a neutral country that is "probably Switzerland" and is expected to return home tomorrow. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
