| | Journalist Arrested for Espionage
23 Apr 2002
Famous news reporter Douglas Ramsbottom CBE has been arrested for espionage in an as yet unknown Middle Eastern country. After a brief spell in charge of cleaning equipment at ITN, Ramsbottom joined the acclaimed news satire website "DeadBrain" where he has worked as their Dangerous Places Correspondent ever since.
In his long and varied career, Douglas Ramsbottom has visited some of the world's most dangerous trouble spots. In 1993, Mr Ramsbottom was the first person on the scene when an ice cream van was rolled down a hill by youths in Chester. Four years later, he was the only witness to a brutal hammer attack on John Prescott. In his words: "It seems that Mr Prescott has hit his thumb while putting up shelves. Take it from me, the situation here is rapidly descending into chaos and the language is absolutely foul."
Ramsbottom's latest assignment was, however, his most daring yet. Following the surprise invasion of an unknown Middle Eastern country by the Ramsbottom Alliance, Ramsbottom was sent in to cover the story. Like a true professional, he made his way to the nearest pub and witnessed the worse violence of the conflict so far: a serious pub brawl.
It is thought that the country's secret police first became aware of Ramsbottom's presence after seeing him urinating against a large statue in the capital's main street. In an exclusive interview, Professor Gregory T Mullet of Copenhagen University told us that Ramsbottom's actions were likely to cause offence. "Matters were made worse," he added, "when a drunken Mr Ramsbottom realised that the statue was actually a secret policeman."
Ramsbottom's current location is not known, but it is likely that he is being held in a cell somewhere. Gregory T Mullet Jnr, a relative of Professor Gregory T Mullet of Copenhagen University and a part-time spokesman for DeadBrain told journalists that the website made immediate contact with the Foreign Office who "didn't give a shit." More news is expected tomorrow.
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