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 Police to work in schools
The education secretary Estelle Morris today announced new plans to counter the shortage of teachers in schools. From this morning, classes in some schools will be taught by police officers instead of their usual teachers. However, the plans have drawn criticism from teaching unions "simply because it's tradition and we can".

There has also been concern over the initiative from "the public at large", a small Glasgow environmental pressure group backed by Cher. "The police force is already chronically overstretched," said one man who was tied to a tree (although not necessarily voluntarily). "Sending our bobbies into teach children will only heighten the problem and will do nothing to help stop rising street crime. Now will someone please get these friggin' chains off me?!"

Political analysts, commentators and Guardian readers have also questioned how Ms Morris managed persuade Home Secretary David Blunkett to part with hundreds of his police officers. "It was easy," Ms Morris is reported to have said with an evil glint in her eye. "He can't see what he's signing and I sent his advisors out for a pizza." Officials close to Mr Blunkett say he got his own back, though, as his guide dog allegedly "crapped on her feet" during a recent cabinet meeting.



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