| |
SPECIAL REPORT: Alliance Invades Country
4 Apr 2002
Shocked political leaders and taxi drivers around the world were today giving their reaction to last night's invasion of a small Middle-east country whose name nobody knows. At around 11.15 last night, troops from the Ramsbottom Alliance marched into the capital of the country (the name of which, incidentally, is also unknown) shouting, waving their rifles and holding aloft pictures of Ann Widdecombe.
It is understood that the right-wing extremist Ramsbottom Alliance was formed earlier this year in response to DeadBrain's Bring Back Ann Widdecombe Campaign. The Alliance's leader, General Douglas Ramsbottom, led the invasion from the front, standing precariously on the top of a second-hand 1960s Russian tank.
Eyewitnesses looked on in horror as the troops, followed by a small brass band and some cheerleaders, set up camp in the city's main square. A curfew was immediately imposed and the country's previous political leaders were forced out of office to take up work at a neighbouring country's chain of pet shops.
Professor Gregory T Mullet of Copenhagen University is a world-renowned expert on Middle-east crises and was last night "very excited" at the invasion. "I just can't believe it," he said to us while drinking his eighteenth cup of coffee. "I really can't understand why this bunch of loonies would want to invade this country. By all means invade somewhere people know about like France, but nobody even knows what this place is called. That's really not going to help them."
When asked to comment on the country's invasion, Prime Minister Tony Blair chose his words carefully. "You know, we don't know where this country is, but you can rest assured that we will make every effort possible to see if I can go there and fix things. I'll have a D please Carol."
The country's new occupying force has so far been reluctant to talk to the media, but it seems likely that they will hold a press conference within the next few days.
Excuse me, would you mind?
|
|
