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Tory squad hit by injuries
25 May 2002
The Conservative Party's hopes of football success are all but over tonight after their squad became struck down with yet more injuries. Team captain Iain Duncan Smith is the latest in a long line of casualties, which includes Oliver Letwin (wrist), Michael Ancram (back) and David Davis (somewhere).
According to the team coach, Ann Goran Widdecombe-itcher, Duncan Smith was injured in a five-aside practice game this morning. She told journalists that Michael Portillo, the team's first choice goalkeeper, tried to tackle Duncan Smith from behind but became entangled between his captain's legs. Both players will now miss the remainder of the Parliamentary Cup.
It is understood that William Hague, who has been on standby, will now rise to the challenge and take up a place in the squad that he used to captain, but in the lesser position of "right-back out of the way". However, Hague is currently suffering from severe jetlag after Ms Widdecombe-itcher ordered him to travel to Japan and back twice in the last week "as a practical joke".
Excuse me, would you mind?
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