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Byers Steps Down
28 May 2002
The Beleaguered Transport Secretary Stephen Byers has resigned from his post with immediate effect. Byers, who also headed the government's new Groundhog Department, made the announcement at a packed press conference in Downing Street this afternoon.
Many of the journalists assembled inside Number 10 were reduced to tears as Mr Byers made his emotional farewell. "I wish he wasn't going," blubbed one BBC correspondent. "He was so respected around here – what a guy."
Mr Byers' official fan club was, meanwhile, said to be "disappointed" at his decision to step down. Since Mr Byers first entered government in 1997, the organisation has swelled to over three times the membership of the Labour party and may soon rival the RSPCA.
A spokeswoman told DeadBrain, "We are extremely disappointed at Stephen's decision to go. He was always a loyal servant to the people and he will be sorely missed. But, deep down inside, we know that this is only temporary and he'll be back soon – just like Mandy."
The reasons for Mr Byers' departure are unclear. Since he took up office he has led an unblemished life without controversy. Indeed, ministerial colleagues were rumoured to be jealous of Byers' popularity, especially with the travelling public he and his close team of well-organised, loyal professionals served so well.
Political analysts have praised Mr Byers' record as Transport Secretary. "It is rare that a man in such a high and difficult position could make so few mistakes," said a tearful Professor Gregory T Mullet of Slough University. "I sincerely wish him all the best for the future."
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