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Byers a New Job
8 May 2002
Downing Street confirmed today that Stephen Byers is to become the head of a new government department, although he will retain his current jobs as Secretary of State for Transport and Official Cretin.
The new "Groundhog Department" was the brainchild of Tony Blair and Alistair Campbell while they were "reasonably but not uncontrollably pissed" and they were "reasonably but not uncontrollably pissed". It has no official function, but is set to make the same mistakes over and over again. Journalists have been quick to compare it to John Prescott.
It is thought that Mr Byers was one of many New Labour candidates to apply for the new post, but he was by far the most suitable. His new deputy will be announced within the next few days, but political analysts are predicting that Peter Mandelson will get stuck in somewhere.
Excuse me, would you mind?
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