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Protestors Target DeadBrain
9 May 2002
The headquarters of the mythical news satire website "DeadBrain" were attacked last night by a mob of angry protestors. Crime analysts say that this is at least the third time in recent months that the website's headquarters have been targeted and staff working there are "starting to get a bit pissed off about it".
"It's just not fair," moaned Douglas Ramsbottom, DeadBrain's chief ceramic pot maker. "What did we ever do to anyone? All I do is make poor-quality pottery. It's not really that provocative."
Editor in Chief and Lord High Executioner Gregory T Mullet was quick to condemn the attack. "This is totally unacceptable, especially on a Wednesday," he shouted. "What's the point in attacking us? And why the hell do we employ a ceramic pot maker?!"
Eyewitnesses say that the attack was carried out by a group of disillusioned forum members, who were instantly recognisable because of their big red noses and pointy ears. Douglas Ramsbottom, a newly unemployed ceramic pot maker, told DeadBrain, "They all looked very menacing. They ran around throwing things at the building and talking to a jellyfish they brought with them. They called it Sam, I think. One of them knocked over one of the flowerpots I made too, but they didn't care. People like that want locking up."
It is not yet clear why the forum members launched the attack, or what they were protesting about, but it is thought that many of them were "a bit weird, especially the one called Horner". Police are appealing for anyone with knowledge of the attackers to come forward or, alternatively, "keep it to themselves because it saves paperwork and we don't really care".
Go on, have a look at this...
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