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Cult rumours denied
11 Jun 2002
Infamous news satire website "DeadBrain" today dispelled rumours that its entire staff had been kidnapped by a religious cult. "It's simply not true," the organisation's official coffee maker Gregory T Mullet said as he began meditating. "I don't know where you got tha-ahhhhhh…" he continued, sniffing at scented candles.
Reports had been circulating on several commercial radio stations and in one tabloid newspaper that the website's recent lack of updates was due to "the brutal abduction of key personnel". A spokesman for the website, however, denied that this was the case.
"We can confirm that a limited number of non-essential members of staff have run away to join an obscure religious cult," Douglas Ramsbottom said at a press conference this morning. "The website was not affected by this action, but there have been fewer updates than normal because we've been watching the World Cup. Sorry."
Official coffee maker Gregory T Mullet hit back at Mr Ramsbottom's claims, saying, "Non-essential my left buttock! How the hell would you get through a day without your coffee?"
Simon says look at this...
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