| ||Parties battle to be most inclusive
30 Jul 2002
Political parties in the UK were today continuing in their battle to prove how inclusive they are, following yesterday's revelation that Tory MP Alan Duncan is gay. Labour kicked off proceedings this morning with the announcement by one backbencher that she regularly has dinner with a man convicted of being drunk and disorderly.
The Liberal Democrats hit back by telling DeadBrain in complete confidence that a senior ginger-haired MP is frequently drunk and disorderly. Labour replied with a statement by party Chairman Charles Clarke, saying, "We are the only truly inclusive party – we take donations from anybody, no matter who they are or what they've done". A passing Lib Dem fundraiser remarked that she would take money from anybody if they would give it to her.
Perhaps the most surprising announcement of the day came from the Monster Raving Loony Party, however, when a spokesman appeared on BBC News 24 to say that he "used to be sensible". The Conservatives, meanwhile, replied by announcing that they would accept "anyone with policies, even little ones" into their party.
Look at this, moron.