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| You feel threatened by: Home > News | 11th February |
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| "Jobs" at risk from e-piracy 18 Aug 2002 by BogSnorkel's Editor The "free" music culture promoted by bloodthirsty e-pirates such as Bluetoothbeard and Captain Kidding is putting thousands of jobs at risk, the recording industry warned yesterday. Downloading music from Virtual Offshore Galleons has become so common it is seriously affecting the lifestyles of record industry executives. Sales of overpriced CD world-wide have dropped by 500 per cent since 1632, claim the Liggers Federation against International Piracy (FLIP). In some European countries the situation is much worse. In Denmark, for example, Virtual Vikings in Linux Longboats are thought to be responsible for a 723 per cent drop in CD sales. Millions more people are using Virtual Offshore Galleons now than at the height of the Napsteroleonic Wars. The FLIP which represents the record profits industry world-wide urged the United Nations to send Men-of-War to counter the threat. "The possibility of oceans of cash isn't automatic anymore," said one record company executive from the bridge of his luxury yacht. "People are being seriously misled by these buccaneers. I mean why download music for free when you could pay me dollars for a crappy CD with 1 decent track by some mindless pop clone?" European Commission yesterday vowed to enforce anti-Piracy laws by sending a special Carrier Battle group into cyberspace to counter the threat of Internet piracy. It also wants the EU to cut VAT on music and put it on much less important things like children's clothes or literature instead. "Music for free may sound attractive but when it is taken without the permission of the artists we ruthlessly exploit - it comes at a high price. It means less choice on where I can go on my holidays, worse quality in-car stereo sound as I am forced to downsize on which luxury car I buy and thousands of fewer jobs in Colombia. It's a much less affluent lifestyle for me in particular," said one key record profits industry insider. Bluetoothbeard has rejected this claim vigorously by waving his cutprice cutlass and making several record company executives walk the Virtual plank. "Shiver my timbers if I'm going to let them LANlubbers blow me out of the water. Avast ye scurvy dogs. Splice the mainbrace. Clear the gundecks and prepare for hot free disco action!" he said. Click here to read more of their work.
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