| | Live drug-taking to feature in BBC's new-look TV schedule
21 Sep 2002
The BBC announced new plans for its Saturday night schedule today, following months of accusations that "most of it's crap at the moment". Starting later this year, BBC One will move away from its traditional "childish entertainment, Jim Davidson and Casualty" formula to a brave new schedule filled with "childish entertainment without Jim Davidson, then Casualty, but with a bit of factual stuff in between".
Viewers have been quick to spot the key difference. "Thank god that Jim Davidson is going," wrote Gregory T Mullet to every newspaper except the Daily Mail. "He is surely past his best now. BBC One's schedule will be much improved without him."
Key to the new schedules will be yet another changed National Lottery programme. Philip Schofield (for it is he) will stay on to present a National Lottery: Winning Lines geared more to younger viewers. Participants will be encouraged to "snort a line of coke" in front of an overexcited studio audience in order to win "fabulous prizes" or a holiday in Morecambe. Viewers will also be shown the best techniques for buying Lotto tickets while drunk, under-16 and/or in prison by celebrities including George Best, the S-Club Midgets and Jeffrey Archer.
Some viewers have, however, been quick to condemn the new line-up. "[This] is absolutely appalling," said Gregory T Mullet in a letter to the Daily Mail. "The BBC is nothing but an evil communist propaganda outlet designed to make us all turn into Marxist sheep! This nonsense must end immediately!"
BBC bosses are also planning to make long-time viewers' favourite Casualty more realistic. According to an anonymous insider, there are "far too many people standing around discussing their personal lives. If this was a real NHS hospital there wouldn't be anywhere near that number of staff." Unions say job losses are expected.
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