| | Tories target school kids
26 Sep 2002
The Conservative Party announced that it is to target school-age criminals today, in its latest bid to increase its vote. "The strategy is simple," said Shadow Home Secretary Oliver Letwin. "School-age voters are a market none of the main parties has tapped. There are potentially millions of them out there and they might as well vote for us."
Marketing expert Gregory T Mullet says that narrowing the party's latest target audience to school-age criminals could work wonders. "What the Tories are trying to do is create a niche in the electoral market," he explained. "So far very little progress has been made in persuading school kids to vote for major political parties, so it will be interesting to see how it works out for the Tories. I think they've got a good chance of making it work, but they'll have to get younger people in to stand for election first."
Leaks from the Central Orifice suggest that new policies may also be concocted in order to attract young voters. A secret strategy paper seen by DeadBrain described how "modern 'popular music' stars like The Beatles and Adam Ant" could be employed to promote the party's causes, while younger members of the shadow cabinet like Michael Howard may be sent to stand outside schools offering free "Conservative low-sugar jelly beans" to children.
The party may have an uphill struggle ahead of it, though. Figures from the last general election showed that less than 1% of the crucial 10-17 age bracket voted, with less than 0.001% of those votes being for Conservative candidates.
How cool is this?
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