| | Resignation threatened over Archer lunch
27 Sep 2002
Relatively innocuous news satire website "DeadBrain" may be forced to resign today after it emerged that several members of its editorial team had lunch with Lord Archer. The shock revelation, which was just made by the aforementioned news satire website in an oddly self-sacrificing move, came just days after the disgraced former Tory peer was moved to a tougher prison for breaching the terms of his day release.
According to sources close to Lord Archer, known only as "Big Gay Dave" and "Hairy Moses", he met with the Sports Editor, Business Editor and Chief Entertainment Correspondent for the website at an up-market restaurant in Lincoln last week. Controversially, under the terms of their parole, employees of DeadBrain are banned from meeting former Conservative ministers except for "officially sanctioned business".
DeadBrain's Sports Editor, Douglas Ramsbottom, has kept an even lower profile than usual since the story broke at the top of this page. Live CCTV footage from the website's main headquarters suggests that he is currently hiding in the stationery cupboard behind a statue of Ann Widdecombe – significantly further into the cupboard than where he normally lives.
Meanwhile, the eccentric Lord Gregory T Mullet of Ramprakash, who sits on DeadBrain's board of directors, has just made a statement. "We are deeply disappointed by our employees' actions," he said, waving his inflatable trombone in the air. "There is no excuse for having lunch with Lord Archer and not getting him to pay for it. He drives a BMW, for God's sake. What do they think they were playing at?"
Labour backbenchers who aren't on holiday are now putting the website under "considerable pressure" to resign completely after such a serious lapse in common sense. However, after the confusion last year when Ann Widdecombe resigned from her position of Ann Widdecombe, it seems unlikely that DeadBrain will cave in this time.
Look at this, moron.
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