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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · John Prescott |
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| You are staring at: Home > News | 12th October |
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 Tories not worth paper they're written on - students 18 Oct 2002 A-level students struck back in the row over their grades today by insisting that the Conservatives aren't worth the paper they're written on. Students and teachers across the country were enraged on Wednesday when Iain Duncan Smith questioned whether A-levels were "worth the paper they're written on" at Prime Minister's Questions, but now they intend to fight back. "We worked hard for our grades," argued NUS spokesman Douglas Ramsbottom at a rally in Norwich. "We believe that our A-levels are worth something and it is the Tories who aren't. To me a dose of syphilis is worth more than a Conservative MP." The Conservatives' "reasonably quick rebuttal unit" launched a fully half-hearted response to the allegations that they are "miserable and worthless old gits" this afternoon. Speaking to a few random people on the bus on the way home, Gregory T Mullet (53), president of Conservative Future (formerly the Young Conservatives) attempted to defend Mr Duncan Smith's remarks. "Oh I do wish you'd all stop moaning at Iain," he complained to nobody in particular. "He's doing his best, really he is. I'm sure he didn't mean to offend anybody. He's quite a nice chap really. It's not his fault he's crap…" The Conservative Party was valued by an independent antiques expert this afternoon at "around a fiver, but I'll throw in a free T-shirt if you're lucky". Related articles DeadBrain obtains discarded IDS political "thriller" 7 Nov 2003 Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader 6 Nov 2003 Trick or treat with Michael Howard 31 Oct 2003 Howard to stand as Tory leader after all 30 Oct 2003 16:14 Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest 29 Oct 2003 23:55 Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun 29 Oct 2003 19:40 In Brief: Tory leadership crisis - excitement mounts 28 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith demands dry cleaning be returned by Wednesday 27 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith victim of Conservative-Labour bidding war 23 Oct 2003 Tory leader to give birth, have heart scare, go into space 20 Oct 2003 Tory leader "has office", to be investigated 12 Oct 2003 WHO moves to contain IDS outbreak in Blackpool 9 Oct 2003 Newsreaders hospitalised after Duncan Smith promise 6 Oct 2003 Tory leader calls for Kelly inquiry to be produced in cartoon form 22 Jul 2003 Conservative leader to join Big Brother house 9 Jul 2003 Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover 19 Jun 2003 Conservative leader resigned several months ago 31 May 2003 Tory "leader" demands right to lifelong non-anonymity 24 May 2003 IDS "bad for health" claims report 16 May 2003 IDS gets giggles while proclaiming confidence that Tories will win at next election 14 May 2003 IDS - "a real threat to government" 5 May 2003 New Tory information minister hails election victory 2 May 2003 Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors 24 Feb 2003 "Spoons save Tories", claim spin-doctors 22 Feb 2003
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