| | Queen orders Highgrove clearout
5 Oct 2002 by Alex
Buckingham Palace announced today that HRH The Queen has ordered her son and heir to the British throne Prince Charles to attend the Windsor Park car boot sale this coming Sunday at 3pm.
The reason for the royal decree remains officially unclear, though sources close to the royal household have hinted that the Prince of Wales has been told he must "get rid of" some of the more outdated attitudes and behaviours he is prone to publicly displaying. The Queen is said to be hopeful that the large numbers of American visitors who flock to Windsor to see some real history will be rich and stupid enough to want to buy second-hand royal ramblings and monarchic megalomania, as they are "the only people really interested in the Royal Family anymore anyway".
Charles is well known for his antiquated ideas on architecture following a speech in 1998 in which he declared that all buildings erected after 1873 were "monstrous carbuncles" and should be torn down in the interest of good taste. He is also known to be strongly in favour of the medieval pastime of hunting with hounds claiming that he would leave the country if he could no longer chase around small furry animals, leading many to believe that the value he places on the monarchy has fallen off a little lately. In a related matter, claims that Prince Harry has stated he will leave the country unless the law is changed on cannabis use have proved to be unfounded.
The move comes as the Prince's habit of writing letters of complaint comes under scrutiny following revelations of his regular correspondence with the likes of the Lord Chancellor Lord Irvine, Prime Minister Tony Blair, and former Points of View presenter the late Barry Took on issues ranging from the correct running of rural affairs through to the appalling continuity errors made on Monday's edition of EastEnders. Such interference in political matters highlights the Prince's belief in "old skool" rule, where the monarch wielded absolute power, including the ability to get rid of troublesome wives in the Tower instead of having to send them off to Paris with their boyfriends.
Our royal correspondent Sir Douglas Farquharson-Ramsbottom confirms that the Queen, who is currently in Canada, is very serious about Charles selling off his outdated attitudes. "Only last week Liz told Charles ‘if you think for one minute that I've spent the last 50 years keeping this throne warm for the likes of you sonny boy you've got another thing coming'. She is particularly upset that Charles seems to find it impossible to appear neutral on the political issues of the day when she has spent years remaining silent about the fist fights that would inevitably break out whenever Mrs Thatcher called at the Palace, and the fact that she spent thousands of pounds of tax payers' money getting the throne room fumigated after audiences with Labour Prime Ministers. Make no mistake, this car booter is his last chance to show he can be a responsible monarch."
Prince William is 20.
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