|News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Hans Blix|
|You accidentally discovered: Home > News||19th September|
Tories announce conference plans
6 Oct 2002
The Conservatives announced plans for a new-look party conference today, ahead of the start of the main event next week. "It's going to be unlike anything you've seen before," promised party leader Iain Duncan Smith. "We're going to have people there, and we're going to have more than 14 of them. We'll pay if we have to, but there will be people there."
Mr Duncan Smith's pledge to fight voter apathy is just one of changes he has made to the conference set-up. This year delegates will also have the chance to get "up close and personal" with the party's elite. "We took that idea from Edwina Currie," admitted IDS. "It worked for John Major, I don't see why it can't work for us."
The conference setting has also undergone changes. Gone is the old panel of shadow cabinet members on a stage and in its place an informal "Channel 5 News-style bench" for famous faces like Oliver Letwin to "perch" on.
Those reminiscing about the old conference hall debates may also be disappointed. This year the conference will be co-hosted by a pub and a fish and chip shop on Bournemouth's seafront. "It's far more cost-effective," reasoned IDS. "We never used to fill up the old place anyway. And besides, this year we'll have food and drink on-site – you can't ask for better than that!"
Rumours that the conference's official announcer will be William "14 pints and you're out" Hague have, however, been denied.
DeadBrain obtains discarded IDS political "thriller"
7 Nov 2003
Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader
6 Nov 2003
Trick or treat with Michael Howard
31 Oct 2003
Howard to stand as Tory leader after all
30 Oct 2003 16:14
Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest
29 Oct 2003 23:55
Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun
29 Oct 2003 19:40
In Brief: Tory leadership crisis - excitement mounts
28 Oct 2003
Duncan Smith demands dry cleaning be returned by Wednesday
27 Oct 2003
Duncan Smith victim of Conservative-Labour bidding war
23 Oct 2003
Tory leader to give birth, have heart scare, go into space
20 Oct 2003
Tory leader "has office", to be investigated
12 Oct 2003
WHO moves to contain IDS outbreak in Blackpool
9 Oct 2003
Newsreaders hospitalised after Duncan Smith promise
6 Oct 2003
Tory leader calls for Kelly inquiry to be produced in cartoon form
22 Jul 2003
Conservative leader to join Big Brother house
9 Jul 2003
Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover
19 Jun 2003
Conservative leader resigned several months ago
31 May 2003
Tory "leader" demands right to lifelong non-anonymity
24 May 2003
IDS "bad for health" claims report
16 May 2003
IDS gets giggles while proclaiming confidence that Tories will win at next election
14 May 2003
IDS - "a real threat to government"
5 May 2003
New Tory information minister hails election victory
2 May 2003
Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors
24 Feb 2003
"Spoons save Tories", claim spin-doctors
22 Feb 2003