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| You are just out of reach of: Home > News | 23rd May |
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 Tory "leader" fined for not trying 21 Nov 2002 The Conservative "leader", Iain Duncan Smith, was last night fined by the Jockey Club under strict competition rules. In June earlier this year, a reporter working undercover for the BBC's Kenyon Confronts programme secretly filmed discussions with Mr Duncan Smith where he claimed he had been paid £1,600 to lose Commons exchanges with Tony Blair. "No man on earth could perform so badly by accident," said the Jockey Club's chief executive, Sir Douglas Ramsbottom. "Somehow I don't think the Conservative Party is stupid enough to have someone who is, if you pardon my French, 'crap' as their leader. That only leaves one option: Mr Duncan Smith has been corrupted." According to political commentators, the practice of paying a politician "not to try" is rare and little is known about it. "In fact, I don't know anything about it," said Spectator columnist Gregory T Mullet when we interrupted his lunch today. "I don't know why you're asking me about it. I thought the guy was just crap." Conservative Central Office has issued a strongly-worded statement denying the allegations. A spokesman added, "We completely refute any suggestion that Iain does not try. In fact he is very trying. He's just crap, that's all." Related articles DeadBrain obtains discarded IDS political "thriller" 7 Nov 2003 Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader 6 Nov 2003 Trick or treat with Michael Howard 31 Oct 2003 Howard to stand as Tory leader after all 30 Oct 2003 16:14 Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest 29 Oct 2003 23:55 Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun 29 Oct 2003 19:40 In Brief: Tory leadership crisis - excitement mounts 28 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith demands dry cleaning be returned by Wednesday 27 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith victim of Conservative-Labour bidding war 23 Oct 2003 Tory leader to give birth, have heart scare, go into space 20 Oct 2003 Tory leader "has office", to be investigated 12 Oct 2003 WHO moves to contain IDS outbreak in Blackpool 9 Oct 2003 Newsreaders hospitalised after Duncan Smith promise 6 Oct 2003 Tory leader calls for Kelly inquiry to be produced in cartoon form 22 Jul 2003 Conservative leader to join Big Brother house 9 Jul 2003 Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover 19 Jun 2003 Conservative leader resigned several months ago 31 May 2003 Tory "leader" demands right to lifelong non-anonymity 24 May 2003 IDS "bad for health" claims report 16 May 2003 IDS gets giggles while proclaiming confidence that Tories will win at next election 14 May 2003 IDS - "a real threat to government" 5 May 2003 New Tory information minister hails election victory 2 May 2003 Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors 24 Feb 2003 "Spoons save Tories", claim spin-doctors 22 Feb 2003
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