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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · John Prescott |
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| You just fell over: Home > News | 16th March |
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 Government orders arsonists back to work 24 Nov 2002 The government is to launch a crackdown on arsonists tomorrow as the fire strike rages. Under Thatcherite trade union laws, workers are banned from going on strike in support for another union. In this case, it is thought that the arsonists' union, ARSUN, has ordered its members to stop all of their fire-starting activities while the Fire Brigades Union is on strike. With only a few exceptions, members of the union seem to have followed their leadership's instructions, although some members did come off their picket lines to help striking fire-fighters set fire to drums full of wood "to keep them warm". According to fire services minister Nick Raynsford, the union has "no right" to go on strike. "The arsonists have no excuse whatsoever," he said in a radio interview today. "Either they get back to work immediately or, starting tomorrow, the police will arrest on the spot any and all known arsonists not setting fire to things." It is rumoured that the Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott, has applied to join ARSUN after leaving his old union earlier this year. On his application form, leaked to DeadBrain, Mr Prescott describes his "vast experience of being a destructive influence" and the "excellent personal qualities" he would bring to the job. Meanwhile, a hyperactive green goddess crew has worsened relations between fire-fighters and the strike-busting armed forces. Spotting a container of burning wood while returning from a call-out, the crew sprayed it with several gallons of water, not noticing the group of firemen huddled around it. Fortunately, though, they still didn't manage to put it out. Related articles Union criticises first unpowered flight across Channel 1 Aug 2003 In Brief: FBU says fire-fighters will "keep it real" despite pay deal 29 May 2003 New Prescott compromise: Firemen can strike in their own time 22 Apr 2003 Fire brigade to go to Iraq 2 Dec 2002 Minister quits over BNP "fire-fighting" row 26 Nov 2002 Government orders arsonists back to work 24 Nov 2002 Prescott "could have been avoided" 23 Nov 2002 Deputy PM causes destruction of world as we know it 22 Nov 2002 Fire strike called off for Children in Need 16 Nov 2002 Strike latest: Mirror announces Britain to collapse by Sunday 14 Nov 2002 Fire strike: Army won't respond to burning underpants 13 Nov 2002 Firemen down hoses 12 Nov 2002 Liberal Democrats call off mass strike 5 Nov 2002
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