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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Ann Widdecombe |
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| You are puzzled to find: Home > News | 11th February |
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 Fire brigade to go to Iraq 2 Dec 2002 The fire brigade is to be sent to Iraq if war breaks out there, according to a leaked government reported which surfaced today. Written at the peak of the fire strike last week, the report delivered the damning verdict that the armed forces are just as good at fighting fires as the fire service are, "even when they're not on strike", with less and older equipment and fewer personnel. In contrast, the report said that the army was "absolutely hopeless" at using obsolete and malfunctioning equipment in a military situation, with particular reference to the now infamous SA80 assault rifle. The best solution, it said, was to let the army continue doing its good job fighting fires, and "pack the fire-fighters off to Iraq to cause trouble there instead". It did however concede that the RAF would be needed in its traditional role in case any "precise bombing raids (i.e. in Iraq, not China)" were needed. Meanwhile it was announced that emergency staff in the UK are to be vaccinated against smallpox to ensure their availability in the event of a chemical or biological attack. It is thought that doctors, army personnel, John Prescott's waitress and the entire fleet of green goddesses are among those that will receive the injections. Related articles Union criticises first unpowered flight across Channel 1 Aug 2003 In Brief: FBU says fire-fighters will "keep it real" despite pay deal 29 May 2003 New Prescott compromise: Firemen can strike in their own time 22 Apr 2003 Fire brigade to go to Iraq 2 Dec 2002 Minister quits over BNP "fire-fighting" row 26 Nov 2002 Government orders arsonists back to work 24 Nov 2002 Prescott "could have been avoided" 23 Nov 2002 Deputy PM causes destruction of world as we know it 22 Nov 2002 Fire strike called off for Children in Need 16 Nov 2002 Strike latest: Mirror announces Britain to collapse by Sunday 14 Nov 2002 Fire strike: Army won't respond to burning underpants 13 Nov 2002 Firemen down hoses 12 Nov 2002 Liberal Democrats call off mass strike 5 Nov 2002
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