| | Bush blames Loch Ness Monster death on bin Laden
5 Dec 2002
Political leaders in the UK and America have responded to yesterday's surprise discovery of the dead body of the Loch Ness Monster in Dublin. Speaking at Prime Minister's Question Time yesterday afternoon, Tony Blair said he was "deeply saddened" at the loss of the monster. "I'm sure the whole House will want to pass on its sincerest condolences to the family of the Loch Ness Monster," he said. "The monster made a fantastic contribution to the Scottish tourism industry and it will be sadly missed."
Iain Duncan Smith, the "leader" of the Conservative Party, and the TV personality Charles Kennedy, for the Liberal Democrats, responded with similar sentiments. The government is yet to announce details of the infamous monster's funeral, but it is believed that cremation has been ruled out because of EU directives on pollution and for fear of scaring off American tourists. A petition calling for a full state funeral at Westminster Abbey has so far attracted over 28,000 signatures.
The response from the White House has meanwhile been less emotional. At a press conference this morning, President Bush told journalists that there was "significant evidence" to suggest that the Loch Ness Monster, which vets say died from choking on frogs, had been killed by al Qaeda suicide-bombers. "We have no evidence to suggest that this evil and cowardly attack on the people of England was carried out by Osama bin Laden's terror network, nor was there any indication of an attack beforehand," he explained, "but I am certain that it was down to them. I mean who else could it have been?"
A spokesman for Saddam Hussein said that there are no Loch Ness Monsters in Iraq and the country has obeyed in full all UN resolutions on them, but the weapons inspectors are welcome to look for them anyway.
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