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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · George W Bush |
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| You are happy to see: Home > News | 11th February |
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 Iraq "tried to recruit Homer Simpson" 20 Jan 2003 The threat of war with Iraq intensified last night after a scientist admitted that the country's security services had attempted to recruit Homer Simpson. The scientist, who was speaking to our man with the false moustache, said that they "admired Mr Simpson's knowledge of nuclear weapons". "He has spent over 10 years working in a nuclear power plant, and we thought he could help us," he explained. "A few minor safety issues are not a problem." The daring plan was foiled, however, when a letter inviting Mr Simpson to defect was delivered to his neighbour, Ned Flanders, by mistake. Mr Flanders, 42 (we think) told us his side of the story. "Well I was just collecting the mail when I noticed a letter addressed to Homer. I was going to drop it off when I noticed that it had arrived from Baghdad. So I rang up the police, FBI and CIA and they hodiddleedoo arrived in 10 minutes," Mr Flanders reminisced. "I guess they did what is called a Royal Mail in little old England; where first they don't deliver your letter, but when they do they send it to the wrong place". FBI investigators praised the work of Mr Flanders. "We think Mr Flanders did a superb job in handling this dangerous situation," said spokesman Doug Ramsbottom III Jnr. "It is entirely down to him that nobody was injured in what could have quickly escalated into a major incident, especially once we got involved." President Bush told the press afterwards that he was "impressed with Mr Flounders' work" and hopes that "he'll vote for me at the next election". The British Foreign Secretary, Jack Straw, meanwhile said that he was unimpressed. Speaking a press conference this evening, he said: "I'm unimpressed." The news comes just days after Downing Street announced that it had recruited its own comedy characters for work on Britain's side in the event of any war. Commenting on today's news, a spokesman said that while Homer Simpson would have been "a formidable opponent", their own team of Basil Fawlty, Corporal Jones and Captain Mainwaring "could never be beaten". Mr Simpson has so far declined to comment. Related articles Bush beats Republican Guard after Florida recount 18 Apr 2003 Bush attempt to play snap with Iraq's most wanted cards fails 17 Apr 2003 US troops find weapons of Mass Disruption 16 Apr 2003 UK: Syria not next on list for invasion 15 Apr 2003 Pentagon to release Iraq sticker album 15 Apr 2003 Iraq Information Minister awarded comedy BAFTA award 14 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: There's nothing wrong with a bit of looting 11 Apr 2003 US to ship in crowds of cheering people for Iraq victory celebrations 10 Apr 2003 Iraq information minister to release single 9 Apr 2003 Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction 9 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: Saddam may use WMDs after death 7 Apr 2003 U.S. bombs BBC World Affairs Editor 6 Apr 2003 Baghdad airport captured, tourists expected in weeks 4 Apr 2003 Iraq gun amnesty unsuccessful 3 Apr 2003 Iraq complains of illegal American tactics 1 Apr 2003 Iraqis unimpressed by U.S. replacement for state television 28 Mar 2003 Bush bored with Iraq, declares war on France 27 Mar 2003 U.S. bombs "strategically-important" market 26 Mar 2003 Powell to sell Iraq reconstruction rights on eBay 24 Mar 2003 US to wipe out entire UK armed forces by end 2004 23 Mar 2003 War a ratings winner - better than EastEnders, say fans 22 Mar 2003 Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed 21 Mar 2003 Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand" 20 Mar 2003 Shock and awe display not that shocking or awe-inspiring 20 Mar 2003
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