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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Ann Widdecombe |
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| You are drifting somewhere near: Home > News | 6th October |
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 Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors 24 Feb 2003 The Conservative Party is again in turmoil today, amid allegations of open warfare on the backbenches and dissent within the shadow cabinet. The Conservative "leader", General Iain Duncan Smith, was sighted this morning taking cover in a small cupboard inside Parliament wearing a tin hat, but later laughed off any suggestion of internal squabbles. "Ha, ha, ha," he said forcefully. "Yes, very funny. There are no squabbles inside the party. They are perfectly visible for you to see on the outside." Mr Duncan Smith's archenemy, Captain Michael Portaloo, publicly picked a fight with his leader on Friday, warning him not to try to hide behind "short grasses". "They won't offer you much protection," he added, firing his catapult repeatedly at Mr Duncan Smith. Meanwhile, the Shadow Defence Secretary, Bernard Jenkin, has announced that United Nations weapons inspectors are to be sent in to Conservative Central Office. "By sending the weapons inspectors in we aim to prove once and for all that our members do not have weapons," he explained. "If they don't have weapons they can't be a threat and if there's no threat there can't be open warfare." A spokesman for the government welcomed the announcement, but added that the last part "wasn't strictly true". Related articles DeadBrain obtains discarded IDS political "thriller" 7 Nov 2003 Conservatives replace balding, unelectable leader with balding, unelectable leader 6 Nov 2003 Trick or treat with Michael Howard 31 Oct 2003 Howard to stand as Tory leader after all 30 Oct 2003 16:14 Entire Conservative Party rules itself out of leadership contest 29 Oct 2003 23:55 Satirists mourn loss of Duncan Smith as Tory leader, figure of fun 29 Oct 2003 19:40 In Brief: Tory leadership crisis - excitement mounts 28 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith demands dry cleaning be returned by Wednesday 27 Oct 2003 Duncan Smith victim of Conservative-Labour bidding war 23 Oct 2003 Tory leader to give birth, have heart scare, go into space 20 Oct 2003 Tory leader "has office", to be investigated 12 Oct 2003 WHO moves to contain IDS outbreak in Blackpool 9 Oct 2003 Newsreaders hospitalised after Duncan Smith promise 6 Oct 2003 Tory leader calls for Kelly inquiry to be produced in cartoon form 22 Jul 2003 Conservative leader to join Big Brother house 9 Jul 2003 Trisha helps IDS in Conservative Party makeover 19 Jun 2003 Conservative leader resigned several months ago 31 May 2003 Tory "leader" demands right to lifelong non-anonymity 24 May 2003 IDS "bad for health" claims report 16 May 2003 IDS gets giggles while proclaiming confidence that Tories will win at next election 14 May 2003 IDS - "a real threat to government" 5 May 2003 New Tory information minister hails election victory 2 May 2003 Tories deny open warfare; call in weapons inspectors 24 Feb 2003 "Spoons save Tories", claim spin-doctors 22 Feb 2003
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