| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Iain Duncan Smith |
![]() |
| You are hovering over: Home > News | 11th February |
| British pensioner also responsible for shooting JFK, says FBI 28 Feb 2003 The FBI has released and re-arrested a British pensioner accused of being Osama bin Laden, this time on charges related to the assassination of US President John F Kennedy. According to the FBI, new evidence has come to light that links 72-year-old Derek Bond, a member of the Bristol rotary club, to one of the most talked about murders in history. A brief statement from the FBI in South Africa, where Mr Bond was first arrested, this morning said that evidence had come from "security sources" that Mr Bond had been a close associate of Lee Harvey Oswald and was "almost certainly present" with him in Dallas on 22 November, 1963. Conspiracy theorists have long disputed the official finding of the investigation into President Kennedy's assassination. "It's starting to fit into place now," mused Texan Douglas Ramsbottom. "This Derek Bond character could well have been the gunman on the grassy knoll, but that still leaves the involvement of the CIA and alien forces unclear. There's still a lot we don't know." Meanwhile, the FBI has admitted that it doesn't have enough evidence to prove that Mr Bond is al Qaeda terror chief Osama bin Laden. "We now accept that Mr Bond probably is not Osama bin Laden," said an embarrassed spokeswoman. "For a start he doesn't look anything like him and, in all probability, isn't capable of mass murder. That doesn't mean it wasn't him who shot JFK, though, so we'll be keeping him in for questioning for a while yet." Mr Bond's family are said to be relieved that the FBI no longer considers him to be the man responsible for 9/11 but are concerned that they now think him guilty of assassinating JFK. "Derek's never even been to Dallas," said a puzzled friend of the family. "I really don't think he could have done it." Lawyers say Mr Bond now faces extradition to the United States for the third time this month. Related articles Bush adds British pensioner to Axis of Evil 2 Mar 2003 FBI: British pensioner actually responsible for every crime ever committed 1 Mar 2003 British pensioner also responsible for shooting JFK, says FBI 28 Feb 2003 FBI arrest British pensioner believed to be Bin Laden 27 Feb 2003
|
![]()
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Copyright ©2001-2006 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep |