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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · George W Bush |
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| You are humming to the tune of: Home > News | 18th May |
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 Iraq to begin missile destruction by firing them at Israel, US troops 28 Feb 2003 Iraqi officials have pledged to begin destroying their banned al-Samoud II missiles "as soon as possible" in a letter to the United Nations today. The missiles, which were banned by the UN because of their extended range, were discovered by chief weapons inspector Hans Blix after he was taken to look at them being demonstrated by the Iraqis. Despite being taken straight to them, Dr Blix described the missiles as "a significant find". "The Iraqis did a good job of hiding these missiles, I very nearly didn't find them," he said, standing in front of one of them. "But now I have I can see that they are in clear breach of disarmament obligations and must be dismantled immediately." However, because of the cost of dismantling the missiles manually, a spokesman for the Iraqi government said that they intended to use an "automated destruction system", which involves firing them at Israel and any advancing American troops. "This is the quickest and easiest way to get rid of our missiles," he explained. "Taking them apart piece by piece takes months, but if we simply lob them over the border at Israel or somewhere it'll all be over in seconds." The timetable for destroying the missiles may disappoint the UN, though. "We can fire them at Israel pretty much straight away if we want," the spokesman continued, "but we may have to wait a while before we can fire them at any American troops. The ball's in their court, really." The White House was unavailable for comment. Related articles Bush beats Republican Guard after Florida recount 18 Apr 2003 Bush attempt to play snap with Iraq's most wanted cards fails 17 Apr 2003 US troops find weapons of Mass Disruption 16 Apr 2003 UK: Syria not next on list for invasion 15 Apr 2003 Pentagon to release Iraq sticker album 15 Apr 2003 Iraq Information Minister awarded comedy BAFTA award 14 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: There's nothing wrong with a bit of looting 11 Apr 2003 US to ship in crowds of cheering people for Iraq victory celebrations 10 Apr 2003 Iraq information minister to release single 9 Apr 2003 Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction 9 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: Saddam may use WMDs after death 7 Apr 2003 U.S. bombs BBC World Affairs Editor 6 Apr 2003 Baghdad airport captured, tourists expected in weeks 4 Apr 2003 Iraq gun amnesty unsuccessful 3 Apr 2003 Iraq complains of illegal American tactics 1 Apr 2003 Iraqis unimpressed by U.S. replacement for state television 28 Mar 2003 Bush bored with Iraq, declares war on France 27 Mar 2003 U.S. bombs "strategically-important" market 26 Mar 2003 Powell to sell Iraq reconstruction rights on eBay 24 Mar 2003 US to wipe out entire UK armed forces by end 2004 23 Mar 2003 War a ratings winner - better than EastEnders, say fans 22 Mar 2003 Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed 21 Mar 2003 Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand" 20 Mar 2003 Shock and awe display not that shocking or awe-inspiring 20 Mar 2003
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