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Dubya's War

US proposes Iraq cyber warfare with Windows Me
The United States is drawing up plans for so-called cyber warfare against Iraq, the Washington Post has reported. According to an article yesterday, President Bush has approached computer software giant Microsoft about using its expertise in bringing down computer systems. "Microsoft have made huge advances in turning perfectly-functioning computers into mangled heaps of worthless scrap metal in a matter of minutes," explained a Pentagon source. "That's exactly the sort of expertise we need in a war situation."

One of the first weapons to be deployed is likely to be Microsoft's Windows Me operating system. "If we could somehow manage to sneak Win Me onto the Iraqi computers we could take them to a state of near-collapse within hours," enthused an excitable military adviser. "It would be like bringing the system down from the inside."

As the build-up of troops in the Middle East continues, many will reportedly be armed with copies of Microsoft software to install on any Iraqi computer systems they come across on their way to Baghdad. Plans to drop thousands of copies of Windows Me from the air have also been mooted but may have to be abandoned after tests showed the CDs cracked when dropped from ten thousand feet, rendering the weapon "ineffective".

However, cyber-warfare is not without its opponents. Many within the army have questioned whether imposing Windows Me on the Iraqi people's computers is ethical, bearing in mind the "dangerous consequences" it has had in tests. Others have also criticised the likely cost of a cleanup operation after the war has finished. "Computers all over Iraq could have contracted this virus," mused computer analyst Douglas Ramsbottom. "It's like with land mines – they're easy to put down, but they can be a real bugger to get rid of again."

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