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| You have fallen over: Home > News | 11th February |
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| Bush adds British pensioner to Axis of Evil 2 Mar 2003 President Bush identified a British pensioner as part of his Axis of Evil in an unprecedented speech last night. Speaking while he was waiting for his order at a Washington McDonald's, Bush told nearby journalists and fellow McDonald's customers that 72-year-old Derek Bond, a member of the Bristol rotary club, was "one of the most evil men alive" and "a danger to world peace". Mr Bond, who earlier this week was arrested for the assassination of President Kennedy and later blamed by the FBI for every crime ever committed in the history of the United States, may seem to many like an ordinary pensioner who was the victim of bad luck, but President Bush disagrees. "This man is in league with the Devil," he continued to rant as his order was delayed. "And by the Devil I mean Saddam Hussein, not Satan. Although they could be the same person. Get someone to look into that, will you Condy?" Other prominent members of the Axis of Evil include Iraq, which is facing weapons inspections and a possible war; North Korea, which is the subject of international pressure to end its nuclear programme; and France, which is facing trade restrictions with the United States. However, it's not yet clear what action may be taken against the newest member of the Axis, Derek Bond. DeadBrain's Axis of Evil Correspondent, General Douglas Ramsbotton, says President Bush has a number of options. "The most severe option would be to bomb Mr Bond's home – a flat in Bristol. That's perhaps a little drastic at this stage, but I'm sure the president won't have ruled it out. Other options include sending the weapons inspectors in to see what gear he has or sending the CIA in to assassinate him," he explained. "I don't know whether Mr Bond smokes cigars, but he'd better be careful in future if he does." For the time being, though, President Bush seems happy to wage a war of rhetoric against Mr Bond. Speaking later on as he finished off his third box of Chicken McNuggets, he issued a stark warning to Mr Bond: "We know who you are, we know where you live and we know what you're capable of. You can't hide from us." Mr Bond's solicitor has meanwhile been taken ill with stress. Related articles Bush adds British pensioner to Axis of Evil 2 Mar 2003 FBI: British pensioner actually responsible for every crime ever committed 1 Mar 2003 British pensioner also responsible for shooting JFK, says FBI 28 Feb 2003 FBI arrest British pensioner believed to be Bin Laden 27 Feb 2003
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