 |
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Hans Blix |
|
 |
|
| You are sitting on: Home > News | 11th February |
| |
|
 UK forces ready for war; Simpson ready to liberate Baghdad 16 Mar 2003 British forces were declared "good to go" to war with Iraq yesterday by their commanding officer. Speaking from his command post in Kuwait, Brigadier Jim Dutton said that all of the front-line troops required for the conflict were "ready for operations". He added that John Simpson, his "secret weapon" for taking Baghdad, the man responsible for liberating Kabul and the BBC's World Affairs Editor, was standing by in the north of Iraq, armed with a "high-velocity, long-range" videophone and a camera crew. Other key personnel have also been put on stand-by for conflict. "Comedian" Jim Davidson, "singer" Geri Halliwell and "actress" Claire Sweeny have all reportedly cleared their diaries in case they are called upon to "entertain" British forces or torture Iraqi prisoners. The importance of their role is in no doubt. As one Lance Corporal told DeadBrain, "war wouldn’t be hell on earth without Geri Halliwell". The army has played down reports that its soldiers are ill-equipped for the task in hand. "OK, so our boys may not have all the fancy gear the Americans have like proper boots and guns and stuff, but if John Simpson can liberate a city with a camera crew and a flak jacket, I don't see why we need it," said one sergeant. Meanwhile, plans to build a 5-star hotel for troops waiting for action in the Kuwaiti desert have been shelved. An MoD spokesman told DeadBrain that not only had there been problems getting materials like "bricks" and "water" in the middle of the desert, but the Kuwaiti government had refused planning permission on the grounds that they didn't want it to become "another Dome". "Besides," he confided, "I don't think they'll be waiting around much longer." Related articles Bush beats Republican Guard after Florida recount 18 Apr 2003 Bush attempt to play snap with Iraq's most wanted cards fails 17 Apr 2003 US troops find weapons of Mass Disruption 16 Apr 2003 UK: Syria not next on list for invasion 15 Apr 2003 Pentagon to release Iraq sticker album 15 Apr 2003 Iraq Information Minister awarded comedy BAFTA award 14 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: There's nothing wrong with a bit of looting 11 Apr 2003 US to ship in crowds of cheering people for Iraq victory celebrations 10 Apr 2003 Iraq information minister to release single 9 Apr 2003 Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction 9 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: Saddam may use WMDs after death 7 Apr 2003 U.S. bombs BBC World Affairs Editor 6 Apr 2003 Baghdad airport captured, tourists expected in weeks 4 Apr 2003 Iraq gun amnesty unsuccessful 3 Apr 2003 Iraq complains of illegal American tactics 1 Apr 2003 Iraqis unimpressed by U.S. replacement for state television 28 Mar 2003 Bush bored with Iraq, declares war on France 27 Mar 2003 U.S. bombs "strategically-important" market 26 Mar 2003 Powell to sell Iraq reconstruction rights on eBay 24 Mar 2003 US to wipe out entire UK armed forces by end 2004 23 Mar 2003 War a ratings winner - better than EastEnders, say fans 22 Mar 2003 Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed 21 Mar 2003 Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand" 20 Mar 2003 Shock and awe display not that shocking or awe-inspiring 20 Mar 2003
|
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2001-2006 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep |