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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Hans Blix |
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| You are sitting on: Home > News | 20th March |
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 US troops ready for war; know roughly where Iraq is 16 Mar 2003 American troops stationed in the Gulf have made their final preparations for war and are "ready to rumble", the US Defence Secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, has said. "All of the key tasks like working out where Iraq is and marking Chinese embassies on the map have been carried out," he told journalists. "Now all we need to do is point our boys in the right direction and we'll be in Beijing in no time. Er, I mean Baghdad." Marines waiting for action in Kuwait agree. "The sand's getting in the way a bit, but we're all here and we're pretty sure Iraq's in that direction," said one marine, pointing towards Kuwait City. "All I've got to do is radio in and the air force will bomb it and then we just walk on in. It couldn't be easier." Key government buildings in Baghdad and all Chinese embassies in the region are meanwhile being evacuated in expectation of heavy bombing raids. Related articles Bush beats Republican Guard after Florida recount 18 Apr 2003 Bush attempt to play snap with Iraq's most wanted cards fails 17 Apr 2003 US troops find weapons of Mass Disruption 16 Apr 2003 UK: Syria not next on list for invasion 15 Apr 2003 Pentagon to release Iraq sticker album 15 Apr 2003 Iraq Information Minister awarded comedy BAFTA award 14 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: There's nothing wrong with a bit of looting 11 Apr 2003 US to ship in crowds of cheering people for Iraq victory celebrations 10 Apr 2003 Iraq information minister to release single 9 Apr 2003 Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction 9 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: Saddam may use WMDs after death 7 Apr 2003 U.S. bombs BBC World Affairs Editor 6 Apr 2003 Baghdad airport captured, tourists expected in weeks 4 Apr 2003 Iraq gun amnesty unsuccessful 3 Apr 2003 Iraq complains of illegal American tactics 1 Apr 2003 Iraqis unimpressed by U.S. replacement for state television 28 Mar 2003 Bush bored with Iraq, declares war on France 27 Mar 2003 U.S. bombs "strategically-important" market 26 Mar 2003 Powell to sell Iraq reconstruction rights on eBay 24 Mar 2003 US to wipe out entire UK armed forces by end 2004 23 Mar 2003 War a ratings winner - better than EastEnders, say fans 22 Mar 2003 Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed 21 Mar 2003 Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand" 20 Mar 2003 Shock and awe display not that shocking or awe-inspiring 20 Mar 2003
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