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Dubya's War

Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand"
As the Allied army rolls up its sleeves and starts posturing threateningly on the Iraqi border, it is encountering a few unexpected problems with the terrain.

US commander Tommy "No nickname as yet" Franks explained the problem to the DeadBrain team. "Basically it's the wrong kind of sand. We were hoping for fairly solid stuff but it turns out to be quite soft. It also tends to blow around a lot, which is something we weren't anticipating. It's really pissing the men off, particularly the ones wearing contact lenses".

When asked how he hoped to solve the problem, General Franks proffered a typically robust solution. "Were going to bomb it. Round the clock sorties. We 're quite hopeful that we can pound it into submission. It worked in Vietnam. Kinda."

"In the unlikely event of this not working, then we're looking into an alternative venue," he continued. "Its going to be difficult though as we've already booked the catering and that kind of thing. We'd probably lose our deposit I would think".

Sand is not the only difficulty facing the Allied troops. "It's also as hot as hell," revealed the Commander, "I mean really, really hot. We're also experiencing some difficulty finding water. We've got a team out searching at the moment. If they don't turn anything up, then I guess we're going to have to bring in some bottled water or something".

Despite everything, the commander was still optimistic about the task lying ahead of his men. "I think our overwhelming superiority in every aspect of the conflict will give us a slight edge. The fact that we're not really expecting to encounter any serious resistance is also a point in our favour."

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