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Dubya's War

Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed
President Bush announced that coalition forces have achieved their first war aim today in an excited speech at the White House. "We've done it, we've got the first war aim done!" he told journalists at an official press briefing, bouncing up and down excitedly. "We found Iraq on the map, we found Baghdad in Iraq and we bombed it! Saddam's days are well and truly number now."

Locating and bombing Iraq is understood to be the Pentagon's number one war aim. In a leaked internal memo, a leading military strategist advised that "establishing the whereabouts of Baghdad followed by an extensive bombing campaign" was "essential" for war to progress.

Armchair generals here agree with the U.S. military's strategy. "If they hadn't been able to find Iraq, they would probably have had pretty major difficulties invading it and killing Saddam Hussein, even with those fancy mobile rocket launchers they have," reasoned a man on the street in Glasgow. "Obviously, being able to bomb it is a bonus, but bombing in the right place that's like gold dust for them."

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