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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Ann Widdecombe |
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| You are crouching next to: Home > News | 11th February |
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| London estate agents plans new homeless development 25 Mar 2003 by Flash Gorman Top London estate agents Shyster and Howmuch yesterday unveiled their plans for a new sleeping rough development. Sited in a much sought after row of shop fronts, the enigmatically titled "Chez Rien" is a further attempt to squeeze the few remaining drops of profit from the exhausted lemon that is the London housing market. Shyster Chairman, Alan Morgan, explained the rationale behind the new development. "With the price of a modest shoebox in London now pushing the one million, billion pound mark; the market is crying out for affordable accommodation. Many newcomers to our capital try to take advantage of the opportunities available in rough-sleeping but find the best spots are already taken." "The traditional method of acquiring a good place is to beat the previous incumbent in a meths-fuelled knife fight. Our surveys have found that today's modern rough sleeper is reluctant to go take part in the more physical aspects of the acquisition process and so what we are trying to do is impose market forces on the non-housing market". The new development is well underway and has already been cleared of its original vagrants. When we asked Mr Morgan what had become of these people, he refused to comment. When pressed on the matter, he tellingly raised his eyebrows several times and made a throat-slitting gesture. Prices on "Chez Rien" start at £100,000 for a modest four paving-slab apartment, with the more luxurious shop doorways pushing the thick end of two million. With such competitive prices, there has been understandably a lot of interest. "We even had some people sleeping rough outside our offices in order to secure a place on our development," beamed Mr Morgan. "At least that's what we thought at first, however it turned out they were just homeless people".
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