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| You accidentally discovered: Home > News | 25th May |
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 Rumsfeld: Saddam may use WMDs after death 7 Apr 2003 by Steve Young US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfield believes that Saddam Hussein, once dead, will be more dangerous than ever. "We cannot be lulled to sleep by this guy's lack of life," warned Rumsfield today. "We've tracked a lot of noise in recent days hinting that immediately following his death, Hussein will release his hidden weapons of mass destruction which would take a terrible toll on the coalition forces." While there has been support at the White House for this new position, there has been a severe split within the administration as to when the WMDs will be used. The faction supporting security advisor, Condoleezza Rice, believes that Hussein is readying an even more devious plan. "We've got some pretty good evidence that Hussein will not hit us right away," said Rice, "but will wait until his body has been fully consumed by maggots and ravenous larva, then with his still growing fingernails reaching their necessary length, he will use them to signal for the release of WMDs and bio-terror." General Tommy Franks, who has asked reporters to start calling him Tommie, has no love for Hussein, but does admit a grudging respect for his opponent's tactic. "A dead Saddam may be more dangerous than a live one who we're not really sure if he is dead or a body double. This guy is good...but in an evil way." As far as the location of the WMDs goes, the Bush administration still has no doubt that Iraq possesses the weapons. "Weren't you at the U.N. when I showed the world evidence of the WMDs?" scolded Secretary of State, Colin Powell. "Just because we have looked in the places we said they are and couldn't find them doesn't mean they aren't there. It has become obvious to me that there is a strong possibility that Saddam has stored these WMDs and bio-weapons inside a schism ripped open in the space-time continuum. We will not rest until we search every black-hole, abyss and macrocosmic void." Added the ever-persistent former general: "Gotta be there someplace." Questioned on a Fox News report that the smoking gun had been found, Powell quickly refuted the rumour. "A smoking gun was found, but it was just a gun that was smoking," he confirmed. Steve Young is an award-winning television writer, director/writer of "My Dinner With Ovitz," contributing editor for the WGA's "Written By" magazine, and author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful" (Tallfellow Press) Related articles Bush beats Republican Guard after Florida recount 18 Apr 2003 Bush attempt to play snap with Iraq's most wanted cards fails 17 Apr 2003 US troops find weapons of Mass Disruption 16 Apr 2003 UK: Syria not next on list for invasion 15 Apr 2003 Pentagon to release Iraq sticker album 15 Apr 2003 Iraq Information Minister awarded comedy BAFTA award 14 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: There's nothing wrong with a bit of looting 11 Apr 2003 US to ship in crowds of cheering people for Iraq victory celebrations 10 Apr 2003 Iraq information minister to release single 9 Apr 2003 Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction 9 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: Saddam may use WMDs after death 7 Apr 2003 U.S. bombs BBC World Affairs Editor 6 Apr 2003 Baghdad airport captured, tourists expected in weeks 4 Apr 2003 Iraq gun amnesty unsuccessful 3 Apr 2003 Iraq complains of illegal American tactics 1 Apr 2003 Iraqis unimpressed by U.S. replacement for state television 28 Mar 2003 Bush bored with Iraq, declares war on France 27 Mar 2003 U.S. bombs "strategically-important" market 26 Mar 2003 Powell to sell Iraq reconstruction rights on eBay 24 Mar 2003 US to wipe out entire UK armed forces by end 2004 23 Mar 2003 War a ratings winner - better than EastEnders, say fans 22 Mar 2003 Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed 21 Mar 2003 Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand" 20 Mar 2003 Shock and awe display not that shocking or awe-inspiring 20 Mar 2003
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