| | McDonald's to diversify into edible food
9 Apr 2003 by Flash Gorman
Ubiquitous burger chain McDonald's has announced a surprising new move in an attempt to reverse its flagging fortunes. For the first time in the group's long history, it is planning to serve food that people may actually want to eat.
Group chairman Ronald explained the rationale behind the move. "I think we've taken the non-food idea as far as it can go. Previously we've managed to survive by constantly moving into new territories, so when one country discovers our food is shite we can then move on to the next country. Unfortunately there's nowhere left to go now. We've got the Baghdad branch opening shortly and that's about it".
Mr McDonald described how his people were looking forward to the new challenge. "Obviously we have no real experience of cooking food but I feel that some of the skills we do have will be transferable. We're pretty good at wearing caps which I'm sure is something we can carry forward and we have an endless supply of fixed grins which may well come in handy."
There are, however, some changes that the staff are finding difficult to come to terms with. "The new terminology is causing us a few problems," explained one worker. "Terms like meat and fresh vegetables are not something the staff are familiar with. To avoid too many problems we're adapting some of the names to have a more familiar ring - something which is reflected in our new McMeat and two McVeg range".
Whilst applauding McDonald's bold move, DeadBrain's resident business analyst is not sure that the decision is a wise decision. "By branching out into actual food, they're going up against established players like restaurants and hotels," explained popular expert Douglas Slicker-Ramsbottom.
"McDonald's products have always been famous for having less nutritional value than the box they come in. People don't identify McDonald's with food. I'm just not sure that the world is ready for a McDonald's meal you might actually want to eat."
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