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Dubya's War

Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction
Hundreds of Iraqis finally released the Shoes of Mass Destruction (SMDs) that the Bush Administration had feared today in historic scenes. Fortunately for Bush, instead of directing them at the coalition, they were aimed at paintings, posters and statues of Saddam Hussein, which are currently being pummelled unmercifully.

"Just imagine the damage if these SMDs were turned on the U.S.," said Secretary of Defence, Donald Rumsfeld. "All it would have taken was a delivery system capable of carrying a few tons of these stilettos and six inch platforms and the damage to our cities would be both horrific and fashionable."

"We knew the shoes were there," said General Tommy Franks, "we just had no idea the quantity nor how many styles."

From triple A's to double D's, sling backs to loafers, thigh-high boots to fluffy slippers, Mary Janes to Air Jordans, the Iraqi citizens are armed (and footed) in quantities alluded to by Secretary of State Colin Powell in his United Nations speech.

"The job is not over," said the vindicated Powell. "With all the footwear uncovered, we cannot ignore the potential danger of the matching bags that have yet to be found." Powell, unfazed by risk of obvious metaphor, added, "We will not wait for the other shoe to drop."

Summing up the day's events, a victorious yet understated President Bush may have said it best: "We went in to free a people. We came out orthopedically safe."

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