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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Dick Cheney |
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| You feel threatened by: Home > News | 10th February |
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 US to ship in crowds of cheering people for Iraq victory celebrations 10 Apr 2003 Disappointed with the low turnout at yesterday's "pull down a statue of Saddam Hussein" event in Baghdad, the US general in charge of the war in Iraq has ordered a shipment of "happy, cheering crowds" for future celebrations of the collapse of Saddam's rule. According to General Tommy "Gunn" Franks' official spokesman, yesterday's crowd outside the Palestine Hotel in Baghdad was not big enough. "We're talking shock and awe here," he told journalists at his daily briefing. "That wasn't shock and awe. That was a few people hitting a lump of copper with their shoes. We need something bigger, something better – and that means we have to call the professionals in." An order has now been placed with a US company that specialises in hiring out crowds of cheering people. "We've often done work for governments and politicians before, but that's normally at election time or when the President visits an army base or something," explained the Managing Director of Large Crowds 4 U, Gregory T Mullet Snr. "We've never sent people to a war zone before so it's going to be a tough challenge, but I'm sure we can handle it." American news channel Fox News, which is renowned for its unbiased and independent reporting, has reportedly begun writing scripts remarking at the "thousands and thousands of cheering, grateful native out-of-work Los Angeles actors pulling down a statue of the evil, hated, mass-murdering dictator Saddam Hussein". "You can literally almost feel the ecstasy in that crowd from here," one anchor is likely to say excitedly. "Those Iraqis are totally behind the amazing work the Coalition soldiers have done. Some of them are even wearing American-style clothes as a gesture of respect and thanks. In fact, I can see from here that some of them are so grateful they are almost kissing the ground the soldiers are walking on… [continues ad infinitum]". Related articles Bush beats Republican Guard after Florida recount 18 Apr 2003 Bush attempt to play snap with Iraq's most wanted cards fails 17 Apr 2003 US troops find weapons of Mass Disruption 16 Apr 2003 UK: Syria not next on list for invasion 15 Apr 2003 Pentagon to release Iraq sticker album 15 Apr 2003 Iraq Information Minister awarded comedy BAFTA award 14 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: There's nothing wrong with a bit of looting 11 Apr 2003 US to ship in crowds of cheering people for Iraq victory celebrations 10 Apr 2003 Iraq information minister to release single 9 Apr 2003 Iraqis deploy shoes of mass destruction 9 Apr 2003 Rumsfeld: Saddam may use WMDs after death 7 Apr 2003 U.S. bombs BBC World Affairs Editor 6 Apr 2003 Baghdad airport captured, tourists expected in weeks 4 Apr 2003 Iraq gun amnesty unsuccessful 3 Apr 2003 Iraq complains of illegal American tactics 1 Apr 2003 Iraqis unimpressed by U.S. replacement for state television 28 Mar 2003 Bush bored with Iraq, declares war on France 27 Mar 2003 U.S. bombs "strategically-important" market 26 Mar 2003 Powell to sell Iraq reconstruction rights on eBay 24 Mar 2003 US to wipe out entire UK armed forces by end 2004 23 Mar 2003 War a ratings winner - better than EastEnders, say fans 22 Mar 2003 Bush achieves war aim #1: Iraq located and bombed 21 Mar 2003 Allied forces encounter "wrong kind of sand" 20 Mar 2003 Shock and awe display not that shocking or awe-inspiring 20 Mar 2003
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