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  You smell better than: Home > News25th April 
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Dubya's War

Bush beats Republican Guard after Florida recount
A triumphant President Bush today announced that the Coalition against Saddam Hussein had beaten Iraq's Republican Guard three days ago after all, following the publication of the results of a Supreme Court hearing and a recount in Florida. The final score in the war can now be revealed as Iraq 49-51 Coalition – "a clear victory" according to President Bush.

"At last we can be sure," he said at victory celebrations in Washington this morning. "The war is over and we won. No, we didn't just win, we won by a mile! This is a clear victory for the forces of good and proof that our army is supreme. It is also an unmisapprehensible mandate for all future conflicts that will show how good we are. So, who shall we invade next? Has anyone got a coin to flip?"

As secret service agents fought off crowds of anti-war protestors who attempted to storm the stage in horror at Mr Bush's words, the President continued. "Actually, forget the coin. I've got a better way for deciding," he added and began to sing: "Eeeny meeny miney mo…"

The President's advisers took advantage of a short pause in his speech as he tried to remember the rest of the rhyme to bundle him into his limo and order his driver to remove him, "and the rest of the world", to safety as quickly as possible.

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